Size 8 or Bust!

Couch to 5K - Me?

I have started a running program. Me. The girl who used to come up with every excuse imaginable to get out of gym class is running.

Well running is still a bit of a stretch to describe what I'm doing, but I'm putting the attempt in to run. I started the Couch to 5K program a few weeks ago. It's been taking some time. I injured my knee in Zumba class, and had to take a week off, plus the beginings of summer craziness have already started and I haven't been able to set a constant schedule, but I'm out there. I'm in the middle of week 3 right now. Stranger still than just starting this program, is that I'm actually enjoying it. No one is more surprised by that fact than me.

I never ran. I've been doing some reading about running since starting this, and I laugh when I read about the people who say they loved running as a kid, and then stopped when they were bad at it. I don't remember ever really running. I was the kid that wanted nothing more than to curl up with a book. Gym class was my own personal brand of torture. I think I stopped enjoying it when we moved on from the trampoline, and playing with the parachute. Once competitive games began, and I was perpetually picked last gym lost any sense of fun. I don't think I ever ran the 600 yard dash, or th 50 yard for that matter without getting a stitch in my side and quitting.

Running as a teenager wasn't any better. There are only two instinces when I remember making an attempt. In gym class when I would chose to run up and down the pool hall instead of playing basketball, volleyball, or whatever group activity I would have embarassed myself by playing and the summer between freshman and sophmore year when I tried to run with a friend in the neighborhood. Running in the pool hall quickly became a joke. We'd walk instead, and then run past the gym windows so we wouldn't get caught. If the gym teacher stuck their head out and caught us, we'd run maybe one or two lengths before walking again. The same would apply in the Spring when we'd run laps on the track instead of playing softball or some evil version of flag football. Mostly we'd just walk and chat, although in the Spring we'd usually pretend to play tennis instead as it required even less effort.

Running with the neighbor actually started off as an honest attempt to run. I don't remember much of how I did, because on one of my first trips out I tripped on an uneven sidewalk and ripped my knees to shreds. I probably should have gone to a doctor to have them looked at, but I never did. My knees were so scabbed up and stiff that I could barely move them to walk. I still have scars from that. Needless to say that put a quick end to my running career that summer.

After two years of gym class in high school I didn't have to take it anymore so I didn't even have to pretend to run anymore. In college I took some gym classes, but they were always things like ballet and modern dance - nothing that required me to run. I always felt like it was an activity for other people. I was too fat, too slow, too big-busted, too winded to try. You take your pick of excuses for why, I've used them all.

I don't know when I started thinking differently. This winter I started going to the gym again, and found an aerobics class that I really loved - Zumba. I'd be walking on the treadmill, watching other people run and still I never thought I could actually do it. Then I ran across a thread on a Walt Disney World forum that I post to regularly that was all about the Disney marathons. Reading it was a bit of an eye opener. There were some "normal" people posting there that ran. Ran 1/2 marathons, and full marathons too. It was a bit of an eye opener for me. I always thought of marathoners and runners as skinny, super athletic freaks. I never thought that someone who was a bit larger than usual could do it.

I kept reading more and found out about the couch to 5 k program that so many people had used to get started. The more I read about it, the more I wanted to do it. Maybe it's the point in my life that I'm at. I feel like I've failed at so many things. At age 38 I'm nowhere were I thought I'd be in my life. I feel like I'm passing through life, failing at most things, and skimming by on the rest. I never thought I'd end up alone, in a brainless job, living paycheck to paycheck, finding nothing that really fullfills me.

I want to cross a finish line. I want to have that moment when I actually succeed and do what I set out to do. I don't think I ever really realized how much I need to feel that. I have no delusions of winning. I don't even care if I'm dead last. (Honestly I expect to be dead last). I just want to cross that finish line. For me, because I always told myself I couldn't do it.

So I went out with my tax return dollars and had myself fitted for a pair of running shoes, used my Coke rewards points to get myself a Nike+ device to track my mileage, downloaded a C25K running podcast onto my ipod and started. On a cold, drizzly Tuesday night after my knitting group meet up I put on my shoes and went out for a run. The first week called for a 5 minute walk, followed by alternating 60 second intervals of walking and running six times, and ending with a 5 minute cool down.

That first day I barely made it through all 6 intervals. I barely made it running for 60 seconds. My legs felt like they weighed about 100 lbs each, and my lungs felt like they were going to explode. I kept setting my sights on points ahead of me, and bargaining with myself that I only had to run that far and I'd let myself quit and walk. When I hit the point I'd find a new one. The last interval I barely made it. I think my legs and lungs finally started giving out on me just as the interval was ending, but I did it. I got through all six intervals and felt better than I had in ages. I had done something I didn't think I could do.

I've had some good and bad outings since then, but have still managed to get through what I needed to do. This week I started week 3 and ran for 3 minutes straight. It seems like such a small amount, but I've never been prouder of something I've done. Me - ran 3 minutes, without stopping. I doubt occasionally that I will actually get through this entire program, but then I have moments like that. Three weeks ago I could barely make it through 60 seconds of running. Yesterday I ran for 3 minutes. I will do this.

My ultimate goal is a 1/2 marathon. I have the marathon all picked out, but it's not until 2011. Before then I have my sights set on a few 5K races, depending on when I'm ready.

Doing Something at Least

I've been having a bit of a rough week.  I seem to be saying that an awful lot lately haven't I?  Again no major binges, but I know that I've been going over a bit from what I should be eating.  My sweet tooth is getting the better of me.

Until Sunday though I had been getting to the gym just about every day (except Tuesdays and Fridays).  The power steering started going on me on Saturday so I didn't want to chance driving it around too much so I skipped going to Pilates class on Sunday.  Last night I did drive it down to yoga (where the power steering promptly went out again about half way there).  Today my car is in the shop so I'm going to have to pass today, and then tomorrow I'm meeting mom and dad for dinner.  I don't think I'm going to make it home in time to go tomorrow.

I've actually been enjoying going to the gym, even if most of the time I'm just walking on the treadmill.  I have become completely addicted to Zuma though.  So much so that I'm willing to drag my lazy butt up at 5 am to call in for a spot in class.  At least I've been calling in for Saturday morning's class.  I've overslept and missed the Stratford class the past few weeks.  I'm determined to get up tomorrow though.  Watch I probably just jinxed myself and am going to miss it now.  I just push myself so much harder in a class than I do on the treadmill, and I feel so much better for it afterwards. 

Me Minus 50

I found this nifty website on someone else's weight loss blog, and just had to try it out.  You upload a photo of yourself, and it sends you back the photo adjusted to show you what you look like with a 10, 20 or 50 lb. weight loss.  Pretty cool.

The before me.  (The picture is a bit old, but it's pretty much what I weigh right now).

And a 50 lb lighter me -

Pretty cool huh?  Of course the second photo makes me look like I have no waist, but I'll blame that on what I'm wearing.  They recomend that you wear something close fitting, and to stand on an angle.  I made do with what I had on my computer.  I want to try another one wearing something a bit tighter.

If you want to try it out the website  is www.weightview.com.  Free to do!

Inspiration

A few weeks ago I had my free personal trainer consultation at my gym.  It comes as part of your membership.  My trainer was very nice, and gave me a good workout, but I left the session feeling discouraged. 

Obviously the intent is for them to get you to sign up for their personal training sessions, but at $60+ a session it's just not even an option for me, even with the 15% discount I would have received if I had signed up that night.  My trainer, Lucie, took me into the studio room and gave me an excellent workout.  Most of it was using rings that she placed on the floor and made me run through them in various ways, resistance bands, sit ups, squats, and a few yoga moves.  I could feel that I was working muscles that I hadn't used in ages, but in the end I wasn't feeling energized to continue the workout.

It really was a workout to be done with a trainer.  She didn't write anything down, so unless I remembered everything exactly I would be unable to replicate the workout.  Plus I don't know how much I would be really pushing myself if I was doing it on my own.  When I was doing squats with a barbell, she wouldn't count them if I didn't squat enough to touch my rear to a chair.  I just know that if I was doing them myself I'd only squat as far as I felt comfortable.

That was also my other issue.  I know I'm not in great shape.  That's why I joined a gym, but at the end of the workout I was left feeling disgruntled about what I was incapable of doing, and not hopeful about what I hoped to achieve.  I don't know if that's making sense or what.  I hated watching myself in the mirror doing those squats.  Hated seeing myself struggle with that notsoheavy barbell, and then when I had to jump up at the end of the squat I detested seeing my shirt flap up and viewing my ugly stomach.  I hated the situps I couldn't do too.  I know I have to push myself to get improvement, but with this workout I felt that what I stunk at outweighed what I was okay with.  It was discouraging.  I had always enjoyed strength training when I worked out at gyms before, but this wasn't enjoyable at all.  Since I can't afford to continue working out with a trainer, I can't really seeing myself continuing this particular workout.

I haven't done any strength training since.  My time at the gym has been mainly be used  walking on the treadmill, taking Zumba classes and last week I took my first pilates fusion class.    The Zumba I love and wish I could take more of, and the walking is okay.  When it gets nicer out I'd prefer to walk outside, but the treadmill is okay.  They have tv's on each one, so it helps the time go faster.  I've been a bit gun shy though since my accident a few weeks ago, and haven't really been pushing myself to walk with much speed.

The pilates fusion class was interesting.  It was a mixture of pilates, yoga, ballet and something called the Lotte Berk method.  It was incredibly tough!  It seemed simple enough, but the poses were held for so long, that my body was starting to shake a bit.  Still even though it was tough I enjoyed it more than I did my personal training sessions.  I think it's because I could see other people in the class working, and having difficulties too.  I felt much less only in my lousiness.  I'm looking forward to my next class next Sunday.

I still want to incorporate more strength training into my workout.  I was talking to my brother about it, and he suggested going online and looking up some basic workouts using the machines.  I have familiarity with many of them from when I used to go to Gold's and NYSC so it shouldn't be that difficult to put together a routine.

?????

I weighed in today at 213 lbs so I was down 2 lbs.  I'm happy about it, but I don't really feel like I deserve it because of how badly I ate all week.  I guess that the time I've been spending at the gym has been making a difference.  I've been trying to go about 4-5 days a week.  My schedule so far is looking like this:

• Monday - Yoga Class

• Tuesday - Off

• Wednesday - 45 minutes on treadmill

• Thursday - 45 minutes on treadmill

• Friday - Off

• Saturday - Zumba Class

• Sunday - Pilates Fusion

I have been trying to get into the Thursday Zumba class at the Stratford gym, but no such luck yet.  The classes are crazy popular.  You need to reserve your spot the day before, calling when the gym opens at 5am.  I've overslept the past two Wednesdays in a row.  Hopefully I won't do the same thing Friday when I have to get up and call in for the Saturday class.  I just wish they had more evening classes.  I would much rather take some kind of class than plug away on the treadmill.  Such is the downside of my commute.  The last classes go in around 6:15-6:30 so I miss out since my train doesn't get in until about 6:40 or so.  The Thursday night Zumba class is one of the few later classes.

I'm really loving the Zumba classes though, and they have quickly become my favorite part of going to the gym.  They are a dance aerobic class, and it's so easy in them to forget that your exercising and not just hanging out dancing.  I wish they would schedule more of them.

Update

I've been having a rough couple of weeks on my diet.  I've been giving in to temptation and picking on things left and right.  I'm not eating great quantities of anything in particular, but it's been more of a grazing problem.  I was down a lb. last week bringing me to 215, but I know that I didn't really deserve that loss.

I think part of the problem is that I haven't been going exactly by the plan and I've been finding myself hungry.  I'll have most of what I'm supposed to eat and then I'll skip some things to save money and I end up running down to the Starbucks in my building or Duane Reade and eating carp because I'm desparate for something.  Not terribly smart.  I'm definitely finding it hard to eat healthy on a budget.  Even when I go to the grocery store and buy only 1/2 of what I really need I end up spending a whopping $50.  I know that doesn't sound like much to some people, but for me it's a pretty big chunk to be spending every week for what little I come home with.  I hate not having money. 

It's when I really start to look at things like my food budget, or lack thereof, that I start to really question the sanity of commuting into NYC.  If I wasn't spending $350 a month on a train ticket (in addition to my car payment & other auto expenses) that money could be letting me live a much less stressful life.  I was doing better for awhile, but I'm right back to stressing again.  I can't see where things are going to get much better soon either.  No bonuses this year, and I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I guess no raises either.  Honestly I just keep my fingers crossed that I'll still be employed.  I keep telling myself that I only have a year and a half to make payments on my car, so that will free up some money.  Plus since I actually drive so seldomly I'll be owning a car with super low mileage that will last for awhile.

Grumble, Grumble

Same weight again this week. 

Not happy.

Flatline

I'm a little late with my weigh in this week, but I did weigh myself on Wednesday when I was supposed to. I stayed the same this week. I'm not really surprised, it ended up being a bit of a rough week for me. I allowed myself to have a Valentine's day treat, and then found myself wanting to eat everything that wasn't nailed down. I didn't go too haywire, but I definitely ate more than what I was expecting. Seeing my weight stay the same didn't really surprise me at all. I just have to live with knowing that I'm not perfect when it comes to my eating. I'd rather have the occasional week were I hold steady, and still get to enjoy a few things.

So far this week I'm doing better, not perfect, but better. I've had an extra 100 cal. pack on both Wed. and Thurs. night. I know that's not a huge deal, but a part of me still feels a twinge of guilt when I do it. I don't know why I've been craving food so much this week. Seriously I've spent the past two nights fighting with myself to not go into the kitchen and dig up something to eat. My normal cravings mainly center around sweets, but this week it's been anything. I'm hoping it's just something hormonal and it will pass.

Today is going to be a bit of a test. There is going to be a birthday party in my department (with cheesecake) this afternoon, and then after work I'm going out for drinks and bull riding with a few co-workers. (And no … I will not be one of the ones riding a bull). As much as I'd like to have drinks tonight, I'll probably try to just stick with diet coke. That's not particularly fun I know, but it will save me a whole mess of calories. At least then I'll be able to eat something.

Plus I want to get up early in the morning to go to the gym, and a hangover wouldn't be conducive to that. Yes, the gym. I signed up yesterday on my way home from work. I would have preferred to find a place near my office, but the rates for places in the city were not in my price range. They gym is about a mile or two from my house. I went in to see it at about the time I'd be going and it didn't seem to be overly crowded. For only $20 a month the price was perfect, plus I can use their 4 other locations as well. The one thing I didn't like was that they don't really have many classes when I can make them, but the only other gym in town doesn't even offer classes so it was better than nothing. The location in the next town over has a few more later classes so I may have to head there to try them out.

I'm looking forward to going, and I'm hoping that it will help make the extra difference in my diet. In college I worked out fairly regularly for a few years, but I never really paired it up with a good eating program. I have a year commitment to the gym and hope to make the most out of it. The key for me will be to go directly once I get off the train. Going home first is deadly. I sit down and forget about it.

Weigh In Day - Take 2

Weighed myself again today. I know, I know only one weigh in a week, but I somehow managed to get off a day on my online check in and it wouldn't let me check in yesterday. Since I had to hold off and check in today, I figured that I'd just hop on the scale for a true weigh in. The results?

Down 2 lbs.

??????

I guess that just shows how arbitrary these weigh ins are. Overnight I lost 2 lbs? I don't think so. Still it made me happier.

Yesterday I mentioned that peanut butter was my own personal kryptonite. The one good thing about that though is that I'm not really a peanut butter person. It's one of those foods that I can take or leave and I never really get any cravings for it. (The one exception to this is the Reese's peanut butter eggs they have at Easter - so good, and sooooo tempting.

It made me think of what food items are most dangerous for me. Not because like peanut butter, I gain weight by eating them, but because I have no self control over them. These are the items that are banned from my house. I like to think that I have decent will power, but really when it comes to certain items I don't. I will have them occasionally, but I no longer will bring them home. They are items to be enjoyed on special occasions while out.

My top 3

4) Doritos - I have been known to eat most of a bag in one sitting. It's only Doritos too, I can keep a bag of chips, pretzels or corn chips in my cabinet and be fine eating only a very small portion. I tried the 100 calorie packs of Doritos once, but it was way too tempting to eat multiple packs. Now they are relegated to a special treat when I’m out at a picnic or party.

3) Cupcakes - It torments me that they recently opened a Magnolia bakery one block from my office. I don't even like to walk by. I will admit though that I've promised myself a cupcake for Valentines day as a treat. I don't even crave just good bakery cupcakes. I adore those overly processed boxes of Entemanns cupcakes they only have on the holidays. Like the Doritos I will not admit to how many of those I've eaten in one sitting. Nope, not admitting anything.

2) Peggy Layton Chocolate Chip Cookies - Cheap, convience store cookies sold in packs of three. Hard as rocks, but oh so good! Reason enough to avoid convience stores.

And the Number 1 item not allowed in my house -

1) Ice Cream - My biggest weakness by a long shot. I am seemingly unable to eat only the 1/2 cup size my diet plan allows so I stopped including it on my plan. Occasionally I'll allow myself to go out and have some as a treat and get the kiddie size. Last year I was introduced to Rita's Italian Ices which while still not great, have been a much better choice than full fledged ice cream. Better yet I take the nieces and share one with them.

What about anyone else? Any items you need to pretty much avoid or keep out of the house?

Stupid Scale

Carp!

I weighed in today to find myself the exact same weight as last week.  To say this is a disappointment is putting it mildly.  I had a few choice words for the scale this morning (I am not a morning person even when the scale cooperates with me) before stomping out of the house to catch my train.  Of course not before I popped a piece of chocolate into my mouth that I had been craving all week, and this at 6:30 am.

I felt guilty about the chocolate after.  About 2 seconds after I put it into my mouth.  My way of dealing with things is always to eat.  Sooooo not helpful when your issue is being fat.

I really don't know what went wrong this week.  I had a small hiccup last Tuesday when I had McDonalds for dinner, but I was on plan for the rest of the week.  I didn't think that one off meal would cause me to not lose anything.   

I'm wondering if it's something else that I ate, that was allowed.  I've learned over the past few years that I just can't eat peanut butter.  Not at all, even though it is allowed on my diet plan.  If I eat even the smallest bit of peanut butter I gain about 5 lbs.  I didn't eat peanut butter this week, but I'm going to have to look back at what I did have and see if anything was new or different.

Today I'm just feeling fat and yucky in general.  Last week I had been feeling so good about myself.  My pants felt a bit looser and I felt thinner.  Today I feel like a sausage.  I'm feeling every bulge, and my pants are feeling a bit snug.  I just don't get it. 

Since 6:30 am chocolate though, on plan today.