I have started a running program. Me. The girl who used to come up with every excuse imaginable to get out of gym class is running. Well running is still a bit of a stretch to describe what I'm doing, but I'm putting the attempt in to run. I started the Couch to 5K program a few weeks ago. It's been taking some time. I injured my knee in Zumba class, and had to take a week off, plus the beginings of summer craziness have already started and I haven't been able to set a constant schedule, but I'm out there. I'm in the middle of week 3 right now. Stranger still than just starting this program, is that I'm actually enjoying it. No one is more surprised by that fact than me. I never ran. I've been doing some reading about running since starting this, and I laugh when I read about the people who say they loved running as a kid, and then stopped when they were bad at it. I don't remember ever really running. I was the kid that wanted nothing more than to curl up with a book. Gym class was my own personal brand of torture. I think I stopped enjoying it when we moved on from the trampoline, and playing with the parachute. Once competitive games began, and I was perpetually picked last gym lost any sense of fun. I don't think I ever ran the 600 yard dash, or th 50 yard for that matter without getting a stitch in my side and quitting. Running as a teenager wasn't any better. There are only two instinces when I remember making an attempt. In gym class when I would chose to run up and down the pool hall instead of playing basketball, volleyball, or whatever group activity I would have embarassed myself by playing and the summer between freshman and sophmore year when I tried to run with a friend in the neighborhood. Running in the pool hall quickly became a joke. We'd walk instead, and then run past the gym windows so we wouldn't get caught. If the gym teacher stuck their head out and caught us, we'd run maybe one or two lengths before walking again. The same would apply in the Spring when we'd run laps on the track instead of playing softball or some evil version of flag football. Mostly we'd just walk and chat, although in the Spring we'd usually pretend to play tennis instead as it required even less effort. Running with the neighbor actually started off as an honest attempt to run. I don't remember much of how I did, because on one of my first trips out I tripped on an uneven sidewalk and ripped my knees to shreds. I probably should have gone to a doctor to have them looked at, but I never did. My knees were so scabbed up and stiff that I could barely move them to walk. I still have scars from that. Needless to say that put a quick end to my running career that summer. After two years of gym class in high school I didn't have to take it anymore so I didn't even have to pretend to run anymore. In college I took some gym classes, but they were always things like ballet and modern dance - nothing that required me to run. I always felt like it was an activity for other people. I was too fat, too slow, too big-busted, too winded to try. You take your pick of excuses for why, I've used them all. I don't know when I started thinking differently. This winter I started going to the gym again, and found an aerobics class that I really loved - Zumba. I'd be walking on the treadmill, watching other people run and still I never thought I could actually do it. Then I ran across a thread on a Walt Disney World forum that I post to regularly that was all about the Disney marathons. Reading it was a bit of an eye opener. There were some "normal" people posting there that ran. Ran 1/2 marathons, and full marathons too. It was a bit of an eye opener for me. I always thought of marathoners and runners as skinny, super athletic freaks. I never thought that someone who was a bit larger than usual could do it. I kept reading more and found out about the couch to 5 k program that so many people had used to get started. The more I read about it, the more I wanted to do it. Maybe it's the point in my life that I'm at. I feel like I've failed at so many things. At age 38 I'm nowhere were I thought I'd be in my life. I feel like I'm passing through life, failing at most things, and skimming by on the rest. I never thought I'd end up alone, in a brainless job, living paycheck to paycheck, finding nothing that really fullfills me. I want to cross a finish line. I want to have that moment when I actually succeed and do what I set out to do. I don't think I ever really realized how much I need to feel that. I have no delusions of winning. I don't even care if I'm dead last. (Honestly I expect to be dead last). I just want to cross that finish line. For me, because I always told myself I couldn't do it. So I went out with my tax return dollars and had myself fitted for a pair of running shoes, used my Coke rewards points to get myself a Nike+ device to track my mileage, downloaded a C25K running podcast onto my ipod and started. On a cold, drizzly Tuesday night after my knitting group meet up I put on my shoes and went out for a run. The first week called for a 5 minute walk, followed by alternating 60 second intervals of walking and running six times, and ending with a 5 minute cool down. That first day I barely made it through all 6 intervals. I barely made it running for 60 seconds. My legs felt like they weighed about 100 lbs each, and my lungs felt like they were going to explode. I kept setting my sights on points ahead of me, and bargaining with myself that I only had to run that far and I'd let myself quit and walk. When I hit the point I'd find a new one. The last interval I barely made it. I think my legs and lungs finally started giving out on me just as the interval was ending, but I did it. I got through all six intervals and felt better than I had in ages. I had done something I didn't think I could do. I've had some good and bad outings since then, but have still managed to get through what I needed to do. This week I started week 3 and ran for 3 minutes straight. It seems like such a small amount, but I've never been prouder of something I've done. Me - ran 3 minutes, without stopping. I doubt occasionally that I will actually get through this entire program, but then I have moments like that. Three weeks ago I could barely make it through 60 seconds of running. Yesterday I ran for 3 minutes. I will do this. My ultimate goal is a 1/2 marathon. I have the marathon all picked out, but it's not until 2011. Before then I have my sights set on a few 5K races, depending on when I'm ready.

